transitions.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

I know why now they can't see my entries. Thats because i blogged on the wrong blog. how stupid am i. went to sf with my mum and friends yesterday. nothing much, the weather is getting cold here and mum has not enough jacket. oh dear, i thought it was hot and i asked mum not to bring too much jackets. hahahahaha. im not that smart hurr.

im enjoying my holidays now, sounds pretty fun. but i guess school is starting soon and it sucks. hahaha. its just so hard to get around without any cars, and everyday we have been going to the same supermarkets around here. boring! ahh. alright, i shall blog next time. my hands are too cold to even type.

as i was saying, i joined a party yesterday night with my friends of course. but this time it wasn't really a normal party. it was a, AMERICAN STYLE PARTYING.

we arrived at this party house somewhere around 20 mins from our house. it was big and it was crowded. we had this indonesian friend, helen, who invited us there to party. you know, it isnt like those party we had in singapore where you socialize, its a party where you dance. just like the disco. anyhow we arrived there and we were like surprised that there were so many people, and they were mostly asians. american born chinese, that type. the house was big, and the sound was loud and going bang bang bang. the bass was so strong, we could feel it outside the house. hahaha! we saw helen and met her friends, i mean some of her friends and other abcs.

FUCK. THEY ARE FUCKING HOT.

the abcs are damn hot. oh my fuck i dont know how to continue this. its fucking crazy. fucking fucking crazy. they have those nice skin, fair skin, nice accent, nice eyes and body. they are so damn fucking hot. hotter then anyone i seen in singapore. and my conclusion is, singapore sucks. those pretty girls in singapore can't even make it here. fuck. they are like shit when compared to here. conclusion, singapore has lousy girls, and long live AMERICA! its like, in singapore. you are fighting over some shit that are not even worth a shit here, fuck.
and the dance was like HOLY SHIT. dance and dance, touch and touch. wished i had some guys and touched them. my friends din;t dare to touch at first, but in the end they started dancing and touched them too. touched their waists and on, fuck, i think its crazy. but on the other hand, its AMERICA. who gives a shit. aahhh, i feel so wasted now. im gonna try next time. i just cant help but to keep thinking about the girls i saw yesterday, they were so pretty, gorgeous.

there are those girls that when joyce sees, she will change her definition of pretty.

ewen: damn, you gotta see it. fuck throw away the locals and come see, you will drool. fucking drool.

disclaimer

this is a warning to people who don't want to read unpleasant shit that im gonna write about. i am not gonna hold any responsibility for your fucked up mood after reading this. besides its my blog, you don't like it you can jolly well close the damn broswer. i don't give a damn about you.

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damn. im begining to be anti singapore. i just don't know why either. now everytime, when i look back to singapore, theres worth looking at. whats there in singapore, nothing. i spent my life in this tiny island, fuck.

dumb people with fucked up attitude. snobbish and arrogant who thinks they are some big shit. the people suck, the government sucked. i mean it doesnt work for all people, there are still nice people around. but the majority i see, you fucking sucked bigtime.

to those singaporeans out there who said, " don't like it then get out of singapore la, talk so much ". hey you know what, im outta there. you bloody morons can stay there for all you want.

think i have been mistreated by singaporeans to say such things. yes i have beeen mistreated, who cares. ah damn and fuck you. whatever.

PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE. american party was crazy. but i guess if i have a chance, i shall choose to go crazy again! hahaha.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

whitehairs on my hair, representing the amount of stress i have, or is it signifying that death is coming soon, and when my head is full of whitehair, den i will die and rot. Ha! im not gonna die. so im gonna dye my bloody hair black.

or maybe not.

my mum is here. she got lost in the airport, as expected. but luckily she wasn't detained. so it is not that bad. but she got lost for around an hour and she ended up in some funny place of the airport. my mum isnt that smart afterall. haha. so i fetched her with raymond, my friend. waited her for 2 hours before i got to see her. and the first thing was like , WHY IS YOUR HAIR LIKE A GHOST. ??? haha. my hair was long because i dint cut it. haha. im suppose to cut it, and she wants me to cut it like tomorrow! geesh. the american's " barber " cut hair like shit. i guess cutting hair is what the malay can best do. oh dear. so we reached home after 2 hours of driving because there was a heavy traffic jam in downtown sf. so we reached home and we went to eat with our friends, the usual group at 3bros. haha their food is one of the best i have to say. i mean one of the best in here. reached home unpack and slept.

today woke up really late. so the first thing i did was to bring mum to northridge apartments leasing office to get the damn documents done. its like so damn troublesome can. anyhow we called PG & E to resume the services. in case you dont know what does PG & E means, it means (public gas and electrcity). according to that jackass officer in the office, only people above 18 can register for it. after my mum talked to the person from PG & E, i took over the phone and asked if i could use my name too. and she was like yeah sure? why not. fuck it, i rather use my name then to use my mother's name. so now the account is 2 name. #%$#^$#^. americans are really real bastards, think the word bastard orignated from here anyway. so we got the paper work for leasing office done. so i have a proper house to stay now, its not that bad afterall after all the bullshit that guy gave me. you know he even told me my application might get rejected. how about that. what a moron that waste my time.

afterwards played basketball with them again. haha. this time the church was crowded and we cant play there, think they have service or something. so we went to the park and play. haha when we reach there, the guys who were playing left. so we had the whole court by ourselves. haha. anyhow not gonna explain the details for the game. 3v3, quite fun. haha. afterwards i went to shop with mum. mum was really funny. lol. nvm. its really late now, i should get some sleep. think i should actually go study or something, but im too busy with cleaning the damn house. i got in trouble with one of the teachers cause i skipped the class, and he found out that we copied each other work. and i cant catch up on my math and history work. i have a math quiz and psychology exam next week. oh dear. here come the fuck up days. i hope it will leave me alone and let me be successful.

dear god up there in the sky, please let me have a good week so i can enjoy my break properly. please please.

i shall sleep. nites

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

i finally moved in today. haha.. with missing tables and other furnitures.

i skipped class today, computer science classes, oh dear. 3 times already. i feel so guilty now. haha. but anyhow i used the time to carry my superstitious act. i went to safeway ( its a supermarket ) bought 2 packs of rice ( halim told me they was no rice, and my mum told me california is a rice producing country) and a small pot. when i came in, i put my bags of rice aside, boiled the water and swtich on the lights and all the fans. hahaha. its fengshui guys, that im using. not magic.

anyhow after skipping 2 classes, i went off to the math class after feeling guilty. i reached the math class late and even fell asleep. how about that. afterwards, rico said, darwin go collect your math exam results. i was like, oh shit. i went up with fear and that teacher had the stupid look on the face, she said " there you go darwin ". i saw a 70 plus! i thought i got a c, and i was like phew. then i saw the 82%! haha. i was even happier, it was 70 plus outta 90. quite delighted to hear the news. i shall study hard next time for the test, so i will get 90 plus! perhaps i should thank the lord for making my life better. i remembered that day i prayed to him and i asked him to make my life better. he did! i mean i did it, but he helped me to did it. ah whatever. i shall take half the credit for it!

went to safeway and kmart and spent like $100 usd buying things. the kart was full of items, i had to ask prasetyo to help me carry things. pras, thanks dude for helping me out when i moved in, esp when you help me carry things and bought the lights for me. thanks a lot dude. anyhow the house was still in a mess when ALL of my things were here. i just more or less finished putting the things in place, cleaning the damn FRIDGE was a killer. its so eeews. tomorrow still have to clean the damn houes after i come home. hahaha. anyhow i got lotsa snacks for myself and drinks too. i just ate pringles and drank my new favourite drink ( minute maid orange juice in country style with medium pulp ). i mean its pretty shocking for people back in sg if they see the variety of junk food here. i took like 10 mins just to look at the CEREALS. the chips here have so much variety,. pringles have like, ranch , mesquite bbq and on and on. oh dear. the orange juice too, was hell lot of variety. the bread was even more crappy.

i feel better today after i moved and got my results. i hope god will give me more of this kinda days often. of course i will work hard for it too.

shall sleep now.

( if my tagboard is down, can someone just inform me. ) thanks.

Monday, March 14, 2005

today i have a bad news ( which fucking pissed me off obviously ) and a good news ( which wasnt that good either ) to say. i shall start with the bad news first.

remember i told you guys that i was renting a house using people's name? yeap. her name is paulette j SLACK. what kinda last name is that. dumbarsehole. i was suppose to move in on saturday or sunday. i called like 50 times on her cell and i can't reach her. like 50 times? from saturday and sunday. how hardcore is that. for a moment, i thought she ran away with the money. then on 2nd thought, she wouldn't be running since she has a job in the bank, beside if she runs away, i can stay in the house and get her in trouble. on 2nd thought i thought she died in her house with the cellphone there and no one knew that she was dead or something. but thats kinda impossible, if shes dead, i wouldn't wanna stay there. i also thought that maybe she had left the keys with the office, but the office was close on sunday thats why i couldn't contact the office. anyhow i went to knock her apartment door, and no one was there. i got so pissed off. i found her name card and i called her office, but she isnt working on sunday either. so i emailed her. so i end up not moving in the house for the weekends which ultimately pisses me off.

the good news is i emailed her and she replied. thank goodness , for a second i thought she DIED. stupid shit. she went to give the keys to the apartment office. which was quite dumb of her to do that. and she cant contact me cause her CELLPHONE CRASHED. HEY FUCK? CRASHED? ahhhh. you piece of shit made me worry for nothing. anyhow, tmr morning im gonna go to the office and take the keys.

my mum told me not to move in tomorrow, which is a monday which means that i have to stay another day in halim's house. because monday is not an auspicious day to move in, so i have to move in on tuesday. and SUNDAY WAS A GOOD DAY. damn it can. i have to wait another day tomorrow. and the only thing i can do tomorrow is? clean the damn house. no luggage or anything should come in. even tables and chairs. haha. sounds crappy ? i know. and then jeffry and raymond shouldnt help me in moving house. why? cause they are born in the year of tiger. oh dear, you cant get a tiger to help you move things. not very wise. wahh, think i wil be handicapped. but i think i don;t have a choice. haha. fengshui is really weird right?. you have the green dragon and white tiger in your house. thats for your information if you din't know. oh wellls. mum is comming soon, haha. happy happy!

this weekend been doing nothing. i screw my math test. i think i really screw it badly, i want to cry when i think of it at times. haiii. i really think i sucked. like every indonesian have super good math while i have some shit grades for math. ah fucking hell. the moment i think of math. i just feel like running away. hai fuck. i don't wanna talk about it. demoralizing.

went to rent movies yesterday night. and they went to watch ju-on, the grudge yesterday. was quite eerie i have to say. haha. but the show doesn't make any sense to me at all. then today they went to church, which i din't. i missed church again. oh wells. afterwards, i went to
eat at this japanese shop. hmm not bad. the food was good. went to sunvalley and look at beds. bought an airbed to sleep. my own one, and airbed sucked. i know that but thats temporary. it just feels weird. afterwards we went home to play basketball. too bad the court was taken by some niggas, which also was kinda irritating. so we went to this place, which is beautiful. streetbasketball court at the church and played till the sunset. haha. was good. raymond taught me how to drive and i learned how to drive just a bit. but it just weird, im not used sitting on a driver seat. i mean i dnt even know how to drive. its really weird to drive. ah whatever, when i go back indonesia and learn learning. i will drive a car in singapore. hahahaha. ( thats if i learn how to drive ). oh wells.

today we were talking about frenching. and wahhh. they all frenched, thinking i nv frenched. even said i was a virgin for the mouth. haha. i frenched a bitch before alright damn it.

anyhow its 3 plus. there is a lot of things to do for this week. a lot a lot a lot of cleaning, homework to do.

god i pray to you that my life will get better!

screwing life is one of my specialty.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

im in school now feeling fucked up as usual. this kinda piehole situation just drives me mad. had my math test just now and of course it was a mess as usual. i just hope to get a B or C at least for this one. yesterday dint get to sleep. did my friends html work till 5am in the morning. i wonder why are they computer idiots and i have to do the job for them. even though i made a template, and asked them change. they don't know how to change it. what the hell. so it took up a lot of my time anyhow.

today really doesnt seems to be a good day for me. i missed 2 classes in the morning just to get some sleep ( i slept at 8am ). went for the math test and it was like shit. today was also the deadline for computerscience articles. i forget to hand up so i lost around 2-3 marks for nothing. how fucked up can that be. then my friend hands in the article late ( the rule was to hand at the start of the class ). they handed in right before the class ends, i think the teacher was pissed and maybe will deduct marks. what the fucked. the math paper was like shit, i mean the numbers were so confusing and i weren't even certain of my answers. im pretty scared that i will do badly for this one. i have one more chance, one exam. if i screw that one too. i will drop that bloody class and start crying.

life is a mess for me. never once i slept without seeing the sun. how bad is that. for consecutively 2 weeks, my life is upside down. i wanna faster fucking move into my new house so i can sleep peacefully. at this rate, i will fail everything. and did i tell you guys i got a 57 for history which is actually a D. fucking damn it. it seems that everytime i stay in someone house, my grades will drop like shit. i better start studying and get my ass moving on the books. one of this days im really gonna ruin my life if i continue like this. no idea why, i hate school. i hate math. i hate verything. sometimes i really wished i din't come here and perhaps stayed in JC, and take art stream. but i guess by then i would also complain that i should actually go america cause its easier and on and on. man can never be satisfied, in terms of money, or even grades. they just want more and more and better and better. at the end of the day they just die bringing nothing along.

pissed and more pissed off. haii. just now there was someone asking for donations, i gave the person 2 USD. quite generous of me, i should have give me a quarter or something.or maybe that guy wasnt even from the charity organization and he just wants to make a living. the most funy thing is that he isn't a hispanic white ( cacausians ) and hes a asian. hes english was like jumbled up and i think hes working for the church or something. aiya. which ever way it is. the $2 benefited the guy or the church or who knows that church took my $2 to buy a bottle of paint to paint the cross. ah whatever.

im not a fucking anti christ damn it. bullshit. if i was satanic, or friend of satan. i will just bloody kill the people i don't like. screw their life and make them beg for my help. and that way, they shall see me as the king. BUT its not gonna happen. so never mind about that.

oh dear. life life , please get better. i hope darwin heals and study well, i hope dad and brother become richer, i hope my family becomes happier and healthier. god god im praying to you. which god am i praying to? which ever god who wants to help me. preferably THAT god.

ah. whatever fucking bullshit. im dying. bye

Dear diary,

i'm dying. save me

as im bloggin now, im one step nearer to dying. infact i already feel like im falling down, crumbling and squashed. im really tired. this week isnt that pleasant for me i guess. math test and i have to do other people's homework. im gonna pretend to be an idiot in java. in fact i am one, so perhaps they will do their work for me. and i cant wait to move out, so i have freedom and i can sleep anytime i want. yes, thats something i want to do.

sleeping has never been so important before in my whole life. tyo is here to help me. thanks tyo =D

Sunday, March 06, 2005

i do not think helping to clean the dishes is fun at all. oh wells, thats the result of stayin with people. and many people have different rules, and what i may think its alright, he might think its not alright at all. something i rather he not cook for me, and i starve then rather he cook and i wash the dishes. i hate to wash the dishes! thats why i rather eat on microwave food, which is disposable, and a addition of merely a fork or a spoon to eat. so it save the hassle. oh dear, i hope to faster move out to my own house. i feel better that way, you have the priority for the house. feels good. in fact, very, ure like the king that rule the house. im living in this small place in the living room, infront of the computer. but luckily, he doesnt blast his subwoofer when im sleeping. so thats not that bad i guess. i feel kinda stuck here at times, and privacy is rather little. oh dear. as i was typing just now he asked me to clean something again. man i hate cleaning.

went out to watch movie yesterday, pacificier from waltz disney. its quite a nice show. then we went to eat and on, went home watched 2 movies at home. the boat trip and half past dead. boat trip was funny and half past dead was alright. slept at 730am, was chatting to ewen and weiping online and i went to sleep. haha.

they just went to my neighbours house so im home alone. so i can do anything i want now! maybe not. haha. i still have homework to do. geesh, im sad ain't i.

and i had problems also changing the house because no one is 18 here, and those idiots in the rental office had to make things difficult for me. how fucked up can american be at times. so i end up paying the person who is changing the lease first, then later when my mum come, she will then help me sign. thats a lot better that way. was trying to use amanda's name to get the house, in the end he doesnt allow. ahhh wtf. everything went wrong yesterday i guess.

haii i dont know. things are really simple but somehow i made it look complicated. this life of mine is more or less screwed i guess. where are you, the one who will change my life. HAHAHA. desperate attempt to get a girlfriend. HAHA just joking. but i always believe more or less, someone will change ure life eventually. maybe a good friend, a girlfriend or even a teacher. yepps.

Friday, March 04, 2005

finally im updating this blog of mine after prasetyo read. haha for my personal safety reason, i limited the archive entries, i think er, 7 per post in the blog. so if you want to read the archive i will gladly give you my password and you can go read it. i dont want people to see themself here getting criticized. though that is what a blog should be for. criticize people, moan and groan and complain everything in life. just like what im doing now.

i had my history test 2 days ago. was a killer, definitely singapore history was easier study. at least the content wasnt that much to study. i think i took the wrong history, ahh. i just hope my blooody gpa can maintain at a high level. which means i have to study extra hard to get an A. i want an A so much that i think i even dream of the A in my dreams. really, never had this feel before. that sleeping was a good way of relieving stress. last time when i was back there, i hate sleeping, because it would mean a waste of time and i cant get to spend time with my frens. now, i see sleeping as a form of luxurious relaxation. nothing beats the feeling of sleeping.

before my history class, there was a strike. so my business teacher dint come, which my day good, because that day i had 2 exams and 1 test. so the absence of the teacher meant that i have the exam postpone. oh dear im so happy. but still this history was in a mess.

wahh i think someone woke up or something, i hear noises from the lving rooom. oh my roommate slept really early tonight, haha im so happy. normally his subwoofer( on the floor) would disturb my sleep because my bed was on the floor and i can feel the treble and bass when im sleeping. and he doesnt sleep early, thats why i say sharing a house is hard. sharing a room is EVEN harder. i dont understand why that guy has a room and he doesnt want to sleep inside. and he makes hes room a storeroom, and he chooses to sleep on the sofabed. doesn't make sense at all. and i cant take his room because its in a mess. i like privacy, i really like staying alone, or at the very least with someone not so disturbing. or perhaps a girl, which i don't mind. HAHA but the thing is that not many girls share a house with a guy. i like staying with girl, think they are more decent then guys. yepps. thats like really good. but girls do become bitchy too right?

i bought halim's xdaII for $330 sing. i think thats quite cheap just that the stylus likes to drop out because the hole for the stylus is rather loose.also he only provided me with the handsfree, phone, pouch and charger. theres a missing of the USB cable, and a CRADLE for the phone. i wished he would just reduce the price or something? haha. i have the USB cable back in singapore though. so its not that bad i guess. this XDAII is really big and fat. its hard to hold in the hand if you have a small hand. its just weird, it was my dream phone and now im holding it in my hand. sounds unbelivable. so wait wait, this my how many phone? ahhh. first was t28, NK8210, 8250,6510,8310, t68i, 6100,7650,9210,8910,2100,7210,GD88,02xphone,panasonic x66, Lg7100,motorola E398, ngage QD, O2 xdaII. i think there should be one more but i cant rmb which one was it. so yeahhh. im not boasting, one of the nicest platform i used is windows mobile smartphone 2003. i mean its really small and powerful, those who have the xphone out there, should gotta learn to use it well. its nice to use! haha. now i sms with this funny palm thingy, using the stylus is really weird. haha. but nevermind.

im feeling tired now, a long road ahead of me. i hope things goes well.
like what prasetyo said,
do good deeds.
help others.
have faith in god.

that idiot never had problems, thats why i see. he seems so relaxed, esp his brother pratomo. playing games without fail, regardless rain or shine, exams or test. haha he is like me, the computer is always on everyday.

i have a sad face now on my msn dp if you people notice. i dont know why i put that either, perhaps im feeling sad too. i don't wanna talk about it too much. my circle of friends here seems rather confusing. its more of like, you cant trust anyone here. indonesians just gossip too much. PRASETYO , BETTER NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT MY BLOG. or you see how im gonna rape you in school!

alright. im tired. ought to sleep. hope tomorrow is a better day.